


Same Mistakes

by 1drabbithole



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-01
Updated: 2012-01-01
Packaged: 2017-11-14 22:27:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,971
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/520162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/1drabbithole/pseuds/1drabbithole
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Simon tells Louis that he should focus on the band, not his bandmate.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Same Mistakes

**Author's Note:**

> Based on fictionalized portrayals of real people. No harm intended.

[ ](http://rabbitholemod.livejournal.com/pics/catalog/453/1644)

“Lou! Come on!” Hannah tugged on Louis’ hand, pulling him toward the sign-in table. “No time to lose your focus now.”

Louis dragged his eyes away from the curly mop of hair that kept catching his eye in the crowd. He nodded at Hannah, pressing his lips into a flat line. “Right. Focusing.”

****

Everything was a blur of Harry, and Louis couldn’t help but acting the clown. All he wanted was that smile, that laugh, focused on him.

Sometimes Harry would reach over and hold his hand for a second.

****

“A word, Louis?”

A spike of nerves went through Louis. When Simon Cowell asks for a meeting, you'd best jump. Fetch him some tea while you’re at it.

He followed Simon -- Mr. Cowell, probably better call him that -- around the corner backstage. Simon paused a long time before he spoke, long enough for Louis to start wondering if he was about to be kicked out. He shifted on his feet.

Simon sighed and ran a hand over his face. “Listen, Louis. I think you should take a holiday for a week.”

Louis’ heart fell.

“Come back next week. And while you’re away, I want you to think about what you’re doing here. Why you came here and how it is you’re going to reach your goals.”

Simon’s eyebrows rose to ask if Louis was understanding him.

A blush rose on Louis’ cheeks.

“Perhaps a bit more focus on the prize and a little less on your fellow competitors.”

“Yes, sir,” Louis whispered.

****

The other lads were asleep. Zayn and Niall would probably wake up still pissed, considering how many empty bottles were strewn between them. Hazza wasn’t much better. He was leaning on Louis’ shoulder, or... maybe nuzzling was a better word for it.

Louis felt stone sober suddenly. Harry had turned his head and pressed his mouth to the sleeve of Louis’ shirt. A floppy-wristed hand landed on his knee and started moving higher.

“Harry,” Louis said, a mixture of caution and regret in his voice. “Let’s get you to bed. You’re going to be exhausted tomorrow as it is.”

A muddle of emotions ran across Harry’s face. Or was it just the beer making his expressions loose and unreadable?

****

Harry lifted Louis up and tossed him on the sofa in the bus, leaping on top of him to tickle him.

Their concert had been bloody perfect! Everything had been spot on. The audience, the band, their harmonies. Everything had been perfect. Hazza too. He’d been so gorgeous out there that it made Louis ache to think about it.

Louis laughed and tried to defend himself from Harry’s poking hands.

“You were so good tonight, Lou,” Harry said quietly, his breath warm on Louis’ cheek. “I--” Harry cleared his throat quietly. “I couldn’t take my eyes off you.”

Louis froze. Simon’s words from a year ago came to the front of his mind. Plus now there was Eleanor, and Louis liked her. She was nice... and she was what he was supposed to have. Simon didn’t have to tell him the expectations anymore.

Harry’s lips brushed across Louis’ cheek, all pretense of tickling abandoned. Louis could just turn his head, just a little, and press his lips to Harry’s. But there wouldn’t be any going back from that. He would never be able to let Harry go if he allowed himself a kiss. They'd never be able to hide. Already so many people thought they were together.

Pounding came from the door of the bus. “Oi! Let us in there,” Zayn yelled. They could hear Niall laughing.

“I can’t,” Louis rasped. He sat up.

Harry’s face showed his thoughts -- hurt, confusion -- and then he wiped it away with a smile. “You guys better have beers,” he yelled back, getting up to unlock the door.

****

“Nice shirt,” Louis said. He meant for it to sound like a joke, but he kind of arsed it up when his finger dragged across Harry’s chest. He didn’t mean to touch the swirling letters: Love is Equal.

Harry looked very serious when he said, “It’s how I feel, Lou.”

Louis could only give a tiny nod and turn away. They had an interview in a few minutes. He had to put his game face on. He couldn’t help looking, though, when Harry pulled that shirt off and put on another.

****

"Hey." Zayn sat down next to Louis. "Are you, um, you know, ok?"

Louis smiled. He knew it probably looked fake. "Yep." He didn't risk saying more because he felt like it'd all come pouring out. How he was trying so hard to not be in love with his best mate. About what Simon had said. Because the five of them were too good to give up. He'd had to make a choice... even though the only real option was to pretend, to play a role that he'd been assigned. Maybe he should tell Zayn, or tell all of them. Maybe Simon had given them their orders too.

Zayn looked across to where Harry was doing soundcheck.

"Harry seems a little off too, so I thought I'd ask."

Harry looked over then. A long look with a cautious smile. Louis couldn’t resist; he waved back and Harry’s smile grew.

****

Harry came home with a girl, drunk and snogging her from the front door to his bedroom. He didn’t quite get the door shut all the way. Louis covered his head with the pillow on the couch and ignored the prickle behind his eyelids.

****

“I’m--” Louis swallowed. “I’m not--”

“Come off it,” Harry said angrily. “You don’t get to act like that when I bring people home.”

Louis blushed furiously. “Harry.” Louis reached a hand across the kitchen counter, but Harry didn’t take it. For once he didn’t let Louis make it all better with just a touch. “Hazza.”

“I need a shower.” Harry stayed in the shower for a very long time.

****

Harry came home with Nick. They watched telly, or acted like giggling idiots, or had other people over to pre-party before the club.

“Come with us,” Harry said excitedly, flopping down on Louis’ lap, snuggling in like he always did.

Louis wanted to say yes, but he didn’t know how anymore.

When they all jostled out the front door, it was Nick who looked back at him with a concerned expression.

****

Three beers by himself was probably the limit before it became just depressing. He laid on the sofa, wrapped up in Harry’s old jumper and waited. He really hoped Harry would come home alone this time, because Louis didn’t know if he could do this any longer. Simon had said he needed to focus on what he wanted with the band, but this thing that he’d been denying himself with Harry was getting in the way.

The front door clicked open quietly, and then closed.

“Oh, hiya. I didn’t think you’d be up,” Harry said. Always the easy smile on his face.

“I was waiting for you.”

“Everything all right?”

Louis leaned close, pulling Harry toward him and burying his face against Harry’s neck. He smelled of cigarettes and sweat.

“I miss you,” Louis whispered. He mouthed softly at Harry’s neck and hoped.

Harry pulled back quickly, putting his hands on Louis’ shoulders and looking into his eyes. “Breathe on me.”

“What?”

“Exhale.”

Louis did, his heart sinking.

“You’re drunk,” Harry said. Disappointment flitted across his face.

“I still miss you, even if I’m a little tipsy.” Louis leaned back in.

“Lou, come on.” Harry turned away, letting Louis’ lips brush his cheek. “I waited for as long as I could.”

Louis sucked in a breath. He knew Harry was right.

****

Harry started staying overnight at other people’s flats a lot of the time. Louis slept on Liam’s sofa more than a few nights, just trying to forget. He was trying not to think about how Harry could be at Nick’s, or some random guy’s place... Somehow the girls hadn’t hurt this bad.

****

His desk lamp burned late into the night. He scrolled through the blogs. They were like a time capsule of all the things he should have had with Harry. He couldn’t avoid the paparazzi pictures of Harry and his new friends.

It’d been too long. He never had known how to explain that he couldn’t be with Harry, how it was too risky. That secret was hanging between them, and Louis hated that it was a wedge driving them apart.

****

_Larry is the biggest load of bullshit I've ever heard._

****

Louis woke up, tear streaks on his cheeks. An empty bottle on the desk next to him. His phone flashing with text after text from Niall, from Eleanor.

He didn’t hear from Harry that day, and he really couldn’t blame him. He just been epically horrible because he was so jealous he could barely think straight.

 _I need you_ , he texted Harry.

****

Harry walked off stage right in the middle of their show, his body tense. He’d barely looked at Louis for days.

Louis ran over, unable to leave it be. He reached out and pulled Harry close, a hand on the back of Harry’s neck. He didn’t know how to explain himself...

“Fuck you,” Harry said quietly.

“I deserve that.”

“I was in love with you for years, and you didn’t even react. Then this shite? Lou, you’re breaking me.”

“I want...” Louis trailed off. He wanted Harry, he knew that, but he also wanted what was out there on stage.

“Bullshit. Do you even know what you want? You can't have the bloody cake and eat it too."

That was the thing, though. Louis hadn't been having the cake all this time, had he.

****

Niall was the one that drove him over to Eleanor’s, and then to Lou’s, and then to Nick’s. They all had their own version of saying that they knew this was coming. Nick’s was to hand him a rainbow print t-shirt and slam the door in his face.

“And don’t fucking hurt him anymore,” Nick yelled.

Louis changed shirts right there on the front step of Nick’s flat, paparazzi flashbulbs going off in his face. And he couldn’t be arsed to care about that image right then. Not when Niall honked the horn.

****

Liam and Zayn had rounded Harry up and brought him to the club. Not like G-A-Y was their usual kind of club, but they’d performed here before so it didn’t seem that suspicious. What was suspicious was when they sort of shoved Haz in Louis’ direction before running off.

“What are you wearing?” Harry was standing a little too far away.

“Nick’s shirt.”

Harry looked surprised. Then he joked, “Nick would never wear that.”

Louis shrugged. Then he took a step closer. “I’m sorry, Hazza. I’m so sorry that I didn’t do this a long time ago.”

Harry shook his head and looked distraught. “I can’t, Lou. It’s...”

“I told the other lads,” Louis said. “They knew all along, Niall said.”

Harry’s eyes shone under the club lights, watery. “I wasn’t trying to hide anything.”

“Yeah, I know, babe. It’s no excuse, but I thought I was doing the right thing for all of us.”

Harry leaned close, like he always did, leaning to Louis’ ear. “I don’t know what the right thing is anymore.” His voice cracked. Louis could even hear it over the music.

Louis cupped Harry’s cheek. “I’m just sorry I wasted time.”

Harry laughed and sobbed at once.

****

Harry shoved his phone into Louis’ nose, waking him with a start. They’d made it all the way to Hazza’s bed, and the door was definitely still ajar. Nick’s rainbow shirt was hanging from the doorknob.

“Look,” Harry said, waving his phone.

Louis’ grin at the paparazzi pictures lasted well through the press conference they had to have.  



End file.
